Team Tarrant

I can't remember when Michael started referring to our family as Team Tarrant, but over the years it has really grown on me.  Michael thoroughly enjoys playing and watching sports.  When he is talking about our family, he's sure to compare us to a team usually in reference to unity.  

Over the past seven months, our family has embarked on an adventure that Michael and I are equally thrilled and thankful about...ADOPTION!  When we were dating, we would dream about our lives together and inevitably our children.  We always discussed wanting to raise biological and adopted children together close in age.  Three years later, we joyously anticipated Titus's arrival, our first-born son.  Somewhere around month 8, we were walking and having a "where's our family headed" kind of talk.  As it had many times before, adoption came back up.  But this time, we were compelled to share our hopeful plans with our family.  We wanted them to have time to process and know our heart's desire about the children we believe God will bring into our family.  We explained that we probably wouldn't be able to begin the adoption process until Titus was a toddler and we were (hopefully) financially able.  

Those conversations happened about a year ago, and we never could have dreamed where we would be today.  The reality is that our lives were changed forever the moment that Titus took his last breath, but it's his life that we desperately try to remember with thankful hearts.  Our first-born son comprehends the length, depth, breadth and height of who God is, and we pray that his legacy would live on in our family.  We have opportunities often to share Titus' story in the bigger picture of Jesus Christ's gift of salvation.  We plan to talk openly with all of our children about their big brother (and sister, Mercy) in conversations about eternity, suffering, God's sovereignty and joy.  

"For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair...always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Corinthians 4:6-8, 10

About two months after Titus, we began talking about adoption again.  Our good friends were in the process of adopting (and now have welcomed their sweet Samuel into their family!).  As we began discussing the possibility of adopting sooner than later, I was very hesitant at first.  It had not been long since we lost our son, and we both had concerns.  So, we prayed for God to lead us with timing (because we already knew we wanted to do it, we just felt unsure about the when part).  A month later, we were convinced that we should move forward.  We sat our family down again to share our news, and they were all thrilled at the thought on welcoming a lil one into our family!  

Just as we were wrapping up our home study process, we were essentially shocked to see those two pink lines...Surprise!  Honestly, we had to deal with what felt like insurmountable fear at the beginning of this pregnancy.  During the first trimester, we found out that Titus had a heart defect that has a 2% chance of reoccurring in future pregnancies.  This is extremely low recurrence rate, and we have the kindest doctors working with us to monitor this lil guy growing in me.  We are expecting Samson Michael in early February, and we are already in love with this active lil dude!  One of the meanings of Samson's name is "Great Joy," and he has truly already brought so much joy to our hearts.  

We were able to stay in the adoption pool until I was about half-way through the pregnancy, and last Thursday we got the call that are officially on pause until Samson is 6 months old.  Let me tell you that this year continues to show me that I understand absolutely nothing that God does, and I'm ok with that.  So, we have a child growing inside of me, and we have a child growing in our hearts.  Just as much as we adore Samson and anticipate holding him in our arms, we have a similar affection for the child(ren) God is bringing into our family through adoption.  Our hearts ache for all of our children in different ways: for Titus and Mercy and eternity, we long intensely; for Samson, we hope for a beautiful day to hear the words that we can bring our healthy son home; for our adopted children, we feel strangely that we know them but have no clue what they will look like or when they will be in our arms.  We have no guarantees about what's to come for our children that we love and cherish so deeply, but we are praying for long, healthy lives for the ones to come. Grow on, Team Tarrant!