Titus' birth story

In January of 2011, I was reading in Psalms 127 and I marked it with the date.  Michael and I wanted to get pregnant and fill our quiver with many arrows!

At the end of March, I watched the 2nd line appear on the pregnancy test.  Nothing in the world could have brought more joy to my broken heart than those two lines.  It had been a little over 3 weeks since we had miscarried our first. [We later agreed that we felt like the baby was a girl and we named her Mercy]   We made onsies with cutsie phrases and surprised our family with the amazing news.  What a gift!  

The first trimester I remember thinking, why do people do this more than once?  Morning sickness.  After getting over that yucky time, I really enjoyed being pregnant.  I LOVED feeling Titus kicking and squirming around.  Most morning I woke up around four and I would lay next to Michael with my hands on my belly dreaming about this tiny life flipping inside me.  I have had baby names picked out since I was around five.  When my mom got pregnant with Jordan(I was 6), I was so ticked that she named him Jordan because I had that name on my girl list:).  I dreamed about being a mom for as long as I can remember.  

Throughout my pregnancy, I went to my midwife for prenatal care.  Michael and I would go sit in her office and talk for an hour or so.  We would listen to Titus' strong heartbeat, run tests, take my weight and blood pressure and discuss the big day.  I was so excited about our home birth, but I told myself that no matter how the birth ended up (home birth, c-section, hospital birth), the most important thing was having a healthy baby.  

Before December 11, we had two false alarms which made me quite sad.  I was so ready to meet this sweet boy!  The night after the second false alarm, I was laying awake crying and asking God to please let my labor start.  The Lord whispered lovingly to my heavy heart, "Emery, I am taking care of you. Emery, I am taking care of you."  These words stilled my heart, but I had no idea in that moment what these words would mean to me just 8 days later.  

So, on Sunday afternoon around 5 my regular contractions began about 15 minutes apart.  We went for a walk that night-well, really I was waddling.  Then, we tried to sleep.  From about 2 am until 4am, I was awake by myself breathing through the contractions.  Near the end of that stretch, I was freaking out every time I had a contraction--I kept thinking, "What in the world did they say to do in birthing class?"  So, I woke Michael up so he could fill up the tub.  We talked to Amy and she came around 6am.  By this point, I was in the tub.  I felt like I was in another world.  Every time I would feel the contraction coming, I would close my eyes and breath.  Then, Michael would give me a drink of icey blue gatorade.  This was all going well until about 9am, I was feeling a little desperate to move on.  I asked Amy if there was anything I could do to speed things up.  She told me to take a shower.  It took me about 5 minutes to walk from the tub in the living room to the shower (or so it felt!).  After the shower, I went back to the tub.  Now, it was about 10am.  My contractions were so close together now, and I had the urge to push.  Amy continually checked my dilation and Titus' heartbeat.  At around 10:30, I was feeling really tired working through the pushes.  Amy picked up our mirror to show me Titus' head.  Just from seeing that, I pushed his head out.  It felt SO good.  Amy's face was shocked and she dropped the mirror.  Then, she told me to wait for another contraction to push his body out.  At 10:47am, Titus Michael Tarrant was born screaming!  Michael was supporting under my arms, and Amy immediately put Titus on my chest.  Michael bawled staring at our perfect son.  We were in love.

We miss you more than words could ever express Titus Michael Tarrant.